Wish I’d been on a bender with Ava. Can see myself now, belly at the bar – ‘nother ‘alf, Ava?
Here she is on sex, booze and buying the farm.
They’d say, ‘Who’s got good legs and nice tits and isn’t filming? Okay, Ava, you’ll do; report to the stills gallery.’
This is the gal who put the rum into rumpy-pumpy and whose boy pals included no less than Mickey Rooney, Artie Shaw, Frank Sinatra, Howard Hughes and Ernest Hemingway.
With Hughes, it was a bit stormy.
…He’d only take me in his arms if he wanted sex – or to stop me from hitting him.
She did actually nearly kill him one time.
I hit him with an ashtray, I think it was onyx. Anyway, it was heavy. I practically had him laid out on a slab. We fought all the time but I nearly put a lily in his hand that night.
The I think it was onyx followed by a qualifying anyway, it was heavy tickles me. (Note to self: beware ladies toting lilies.)
You ever had a zombie? Oh, you’d remember if you had: Bacardi, dark rum, light rum, pineapple juice, lime juice, apricot brandy, orange juice, a sprig of mint and a cherry. Only I always told them to hold the mint and cherry.
Well, she made it through all the booze and boinking to a grand ol’ 67. Before they put me to bed with a shovel, she said, The thing is, I’ve survived.
I dodged all the bullets that had my name on them. I have to be grateful for that. But it does remind you of your mortality when you hear them whistle by.
I’m off to buy some cherries.
Thanks for being here.
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